


wish i knew you when i was young

by Coeurire



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Other, this is just....me being really self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coeurire/pseuds/Coeurire
Summary: “Juno?” Peter asked.“Mm?” Juno’s face betrayed none of his fears.“Are you still attracted to me?”
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 13
Kudos: 168





	wish i knew you when i was young

Juno couldn’t help but notice that something was off about Peter. It was the little things. The way his eyes glanced over Juno’s body, then glanced off to the side, when they made love. The way his gaze kept slipping over to the mirror when they showered together. The way he kept taking in little breaths, as if about to ask something, then only letting go empty air. 

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but despite how far their communication had come, he just...couldn’t. He was worried Peter was done with him. Sick of him, just like everyone else had always been. Had had it up to here with the pain that you got when you got close to Juno Steel. Every time he tried to broach the subject, he lost his nerve. 

So when Peter twisted his face away while they had their arms wrapped around each other in the bed they shared, Juno feared the worst. 

“Juno?” Peter asked. 

“Mm?” Juno’s face betrayed none of his fears. 

“Are you still attracted to me?” 

_ That  _ wasn’t what he was expecting. Juno, who mere seconds before had been pressing his lips to Peter as quickly and aggressively as if his life depended on getting as close to the thief as possible, raised an eyebrow. 

“No,” he said completely flatly, “that’s why I’m in your bed.” Then he thought for a moment, and winced. “I’m sorry, that was mean. Yes, I’m still attracted to you, Nureyev. Why do you ask?” 

Peter’s cheeks burned from the embarrassment of baring his insecurity, as obviously silly now to him as it had been to Juno, so plainly. Almost imperceptibly he tightened his grip on the former detective’s shoulders. 

“Just checking,” he said. “No particular reason. Thank you for letting me know.” 

He closed his eyes and moved in for another kiss, and now it was Juno’s turn to turn his head toward the side, so Peter’s lips landed on his cheek. 

“I don’t think that’s it,” he said. 

Peter sighed, and sat up. He looked down at his chest, at the hair there that had once brought him so much joy, that was now marred with red spots from where he’d plucked grey hairs.   
Juno sat up beside him, followed his gaze, and ran a finger over the center of his chest. “Tell me,” he said. “I’m a big person. I can handle it.” 

And that  _ hurt.  _ Juno couldn’t handle everything Peter had to tell him. But that wasn’t what he was thinking about right now, and it wasn’t what had made him ask the question. 

He sighed. “I keep finding greys,” he said. “In my hair. I’m going to need to start dying it. I just wonder if you wouldn’t prefer a younger paramour.” 

Juno blinked, then couldn’t help but let out a laugh. 

“Juno!” Peter’s eyes narrowed. 

“I’m sorry, Nureyev,” replied the detective. “It’s just...you know you’re two years younger than me, right? And look at me.” He gestured down at his own body, then back up at his face. He was covered in scars, scars that Peter had kissed his way across hundreds of times, and of course there was the eye patch covering his largest scar. He was beginning to get wrinkles, and his peppery hair had sprinklings of salt here and there. “I’m not exactly a spring chicken myself.” 

“You’re a goddess. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was true: Juno’s scars, greys, and wrinkles only made him more beautiful. Where the opposite seemed to be happening with Peter. As a youth, he’d never pictured himself...making it to this age, and his body wasn’t handling it well. He was surprised to feel stinging at the corners of his eyes. “I know it probably seems ridiculous, Juno. And I certainly don’t want you to think me ridiculous.”

“I don’t think you’re ridiculous.” Juno turned Peter’s head towards his, and met his eyes. “We all have our hangups.”

Peter paused. “Sometimes, I just wish you could have seen me when I was younger,” he said quietly. 

“I did,” Juno reminded him. “You looked great. You still look great.” 

“Fair point. I just mean I wish our paths would have crossed sooner. You deserve better than some washed-up ghost of a playboy thief.”

“Nurey--” Suddenly, the last-name basis they’d established didn’t feel like enough. “Peter,” asked Juno, “are you crying?” 

Peter touched a finger to the corner of his eye. It came away wet. His cheeks burned hotter. He shouldn’t have let this get to him. Not only was he getting old and insecure and pathetic, he was  _ showing  _ it, showing his hand. Juno knew his weaknesses now. Peter Nureyev was not a man who liked his weaknesses to be known.

“I suppose I am,” he said numbly, feeling millions of light-years away from his too-small, too-frail body. 

And Juno Steel did not do what Peter half-expected. He did not push him away, or laugh at him, or tell him to man up. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Peter and pulled him closer. 

“You’re not old,” said Juno. “You’re forty. But you’re okay.” 

“I shouldn’t be crying,” muttered Peter stubbornly. “I haven’t cried since--” He paused. “Well, the last time I cried it was over a certain someone who slipped out on me.” 

“Sounds like a real jerk,” said Juno. “I bet he’d want you to know you don’t need a reason to cry. You’re okay. Come here.” He tightened his grip around Peter.

They sat like that for a while, Peter stubbornly leaking tears and reluctantly wrapping his arms around Juno’s shoulders, Juno rubbing his back and kissing his forehead again and again. 

“Peter, I’m not going anywhere,” said Juno. “I want to stay with you. That means you don’t get to feel bad about being sad in front of me. It also means I get to be sad in front of you too. Funny how that works.” 

Peter sniffled. “Thank you, Juno,” he said. “Do you want to watch a stream?” 

“We could.” Juno kissed the bridge of Peter’s nose. “Or if you’d prefer, I can show you how much I love your body.” 

“That would be...really nice, actually, Juno,” said Peter. “You do know how to treat a gentleman.” 

“I’m good at that,” said Juno, and started to press more kisses across Peter’s body.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: Coeurire   
> Tumblr: mothbutterfly   
> Discord: wrath month #2270
> 
> thanks for reading! hoo i really love them i'm sorry that all i post these days is self indulgent h/c


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